The Thoughts In My Head

It’s the night before I run my leg of the Million Dollar Marathon. I’m nervous. Why? Because I’m always nervous before I run. These are the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head….

Don’t forget sunscreen. But I sweat too much, it will just run off. Stay hydrated. I sweat too much. Don’t die out there. I sweat too much. Why did I say I’d run? Why Illinois? Why July? Don’t forget sunscreen. What if I suck? Don’t forget your shoes. Stay hydrated. No one sweats as much as I do. I’ll be the slowest person out there. Remember a hat. Run.

I have a hard time in the heat, and here I am running a marathon in Illinois in July. It’s 90-whatever degrees, but feels like 127.

I have strategies for staying hydrated. I have my support crew.

But I’m still nervous.

I think about people’s expectations. I think about my expectations. I try to remind myself of what I constantly say here and to my clients: no one else matters, only you, only you and what you can do right now. It’s such good advice. So simple. Do what you can right now. What your kids/husband/girlfriend/guy next to you at the gym can do has nothing to do with you. This is your race. It’s about you.

But sometimes it’s so hard to do. Even for me.

People have expectations. They hear that I’ve run several ultra-marathons and they get ideas. They think I’m some kind of super athlete and a great runner. I’m not. I’m just me. I just like to run. I tell people I’m a slow runner, but they don’t believe me – until they see me run. I just like to run, and sometimes I can run really really far. But I never run fast. And I never feel confident about running. Every time I run, I have doubts that I can finish. Even a little 5K. Every time I’m not sure how it will turn out.

But people have expectations. I know those expectations don’t matter, but they still bounce around in my head. Maybe someday they won’t. For now, though, all those expectations live in my head, crowding out my own obsessions about my own preparations.

Just focus on the things you can control, Julie – like making sure to remember plenty of water and sunscreen.

And no matter what, it is for a great cause. Speed doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but moving the baton further east. If you haven’t yet, you can check out my page and all about the Million Dollar Marathon here, http://coasttocoastforcancer.org/julieg/.

And no matter what, it will be fun. Because I love to run. Slow, fast, I love to run.

Julie

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3 Responses to The Thoughts In My Head

  1. Beth Gainer says:

    Hi Julie,

    It doesn’t matter whether you are slow or fast, as you know, just so long as you do what you have a passion for.

    It’s hard not to live up to others’ expectations; all you have to think about is yourself and your joy of running.

  2. Racn4acure says:

    You won’t suck. You will do just fine. You will have shoes. Don’t sweat the small stuff, but do sweat. And hydrate. It is not your time in the event that matters, but your time at the event. So enjoy being well and strong enough to run this, at any pace, because there a lot of folks that can’t – so you are running for them. And you will do a great job representing them. Run well and have fun, my friend! Art

  3. gillian says:

    And I always think I am the only anxious one!! Thinking of you on this big adventure and have already seen the pic of you in your home town so know you are fine!!

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