Life With a “History”

Yesterday I had one of those moments – well, maybe not a moment, more like a day, more like a couple of days. It was a moment of being tired of being someone with a “history”. It was one of those sometimes-cancer-is-such-a-drag days! One of those days where what I really want to do is hide in the closet & not come out.

No, nothing is wrong – I’m still healthy. Don’t worry, Mom. – my parents read my blog, so I sometimes get calls checking up on me: you fell skiing? you haven’t been sleeping well? So, Mom & Dad, it’s all fine – just a moment – and I love you.

We all have those moments – I do, even after nearly 10 years. But I’ve discovered that living my life in my closet is not so practical – eventually, I get hungry.

As usual, I turned to exercise for a boost. Actually, I didn’t think of it as a boost. I know that exercise does lift mood, gets the endorphins flowing. But more than that, I always find it good for my head. I let my thoughts wander. I don’t think about what’s bugging me; I don’t not think about it. I just let my thoughts swirl around as my body is doing something healthy.

I ran in the woods. It was fun. It was beautiful. I had to pay close attention because all the acorns and leaves on the ground make the hills treacherous. I got sweaty and out of breath, and I have no idea what I thought about.

But it helped.

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2 Responses to Life With a “History”

  1. gillian says:

    Mmm… not sure I understand the difference between that run in the woods and others. You often go running in the woods, don’t you? But not surprised about your feelings. It does happen. It’s a strain and one feels resentful about it. But I agree – exercise is the best, also because you focus on something else, on the doing, on the breathing, whatever.

  2. julie says:

    You’re right, Gillian. I do often run in the woods (hence the tweet about deer hunters & not being shot). This one was just a little harder to convince myself to head out. What I wanted to do was hide in the closet (my cat, Milton used to do that. I discovered one day while sorting that it’s actually oddly comforting.) But glad I did head out:)

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